As we grow and mature in life we deal with obstacles and trials that test our faith, our relationships and our minds. We can either grow during these moments, or we can stay stagnate. Ultimately the choice is ours.
I wrote a blog the other day about Peeves and Parties, I wrote about a situation that was bothering me in regard to how things were done at my son’s party. I ranted about not being on time and being unreliable. I wrote about my frustration with someone and didn’t think about how it would affect them because, in my mind I was writing on my blog, in my space where I was able to be vulnerable and honest. I ended up hurting someone that is very close to me. It wasn’t my goal, I’d never intentionally hurt someone. But in the moment, I was hurt, and hurt people, hurt people.
We can argue the fact that this is my blog, my own place where I can write freely about anything I want. Although this is true, I need to bear in mind that sometimes what I write can back fire. And I need to be prepared for any consequences that may arise. Instead of feeling like a weight was lifted by venting, it caused a heavier weight to fall.
In the beginning of my Peeves and Parties blog I wrote about things that went wrong. But I didn’t write about all the things that went right. Instead of being grateful for all the help I did receive I focused on my hurt and disappointment
After being confronted about my blog, I fired back basically stating, “if you allow this to come between us that’s on you”. My reaction stems from past experiences that led me to this. I don’t trust easily, I don’t welcome people into my home often, and I especially don’t let people into my heart unless I really trust them. I have issues, I am very aware of this. But my issues shouldn’t be projected onto others, especially ones I love. I have stopped breathing five times while being in the hospital, I’ve almost lost my life to this disease. I’ve almost lost everyone I love. I’m not going to lose people, I will fight for what matters to me. I don’t have control over what happens to my body, but I do have control over fighting for my loved ones.
I saw a statement this morning, Ironically. It said, “Let everything you do, be done in Love." It’s a beautiful statement and I hope to try and live like that.
I am very grateful for all the help and support I receive from my family and friends. I think I don’t address that enough. I am surrounded by amazing people, who at the drop of a hat will come running to help me. Those are good people. Sometimes I feel like a sucky person. My emotions and depression get the best of me at times and I end up hurting people. I don’t want to do that. I want to be the person that shows compassion, gratefulness, respect, and love. I don’t want to be hurt, upset, depressed, angry person. That’s not me.
I am truly sorry for any hurt that I caused. Words can sometimes cut deeper than actions, and I cut someone deep. Again, it was never my intent, but never the less it happen. And I am truly sorry.
Thank you all for supporting me and going through this journey with me. I appreciate it more than I can express.