What makes a “good” mom a good mom and a “bad” mom a bad mom? I was thinking about this as I was scrolling through Facebook and saw so many moms at school events, posting pictures of their perfect home cook meal, and grand Christmas decoration. At the same time, I was seeing mom who were thanking other moms for taking pictures of their children while they are at work, I watch their stories and see them swearing, or drinking, and even smoking. Instead of home cooked meals they have Jack in the Box, or Mc Donald’s.
I know some moms who bust their ass to provide for their children. Some are single parents, and some aren’t, either way raising kids is hard and expensive. No one should be judging anyone for how they chose to their child. When Kodi was little, basically from birth to about 2 I was a bad mom. Bad mom sounds very harsh like I abused my baby boy or something. But the fact is I was so inexperience with babies I was truly lost. Thankfully Kodi’s dad was great and really stepped up. When he was deployed it was just Kodi and me, I had no choice but to step up. There was no one else. I didn’t have friends or family around and not to mention I was back to working full time. Every time I would drop off Kodi and drive to work I felt like the worst parent. In my eyes I was having someone else raise my son.
As Kodi got older and now in elementary school I wanted so bad to be in the PTA. Not because I really wanted to be apart of it, but I felt it was my job as a “good” mom to do so. Well, I never did join, and honestly whenever I would to pick Kodi up from school I felt like such an outsider, like I didn’t belong to this society of stay at home moms. (By the way, when I enrolled Kodi in Kindergarten I asked if there was an after-school program or some kind of service for the kids of working parents. Well, their response still shocks me! I was told, “most of the parents either have a stay at home parent, or they hire a nanny” Yeah….) Neither one of my boys wanted to be involved in school actives, and that is okay with us. I tried to push sports and extra actives on them at first, but realized they were unhappy. Now they chose what they want to do. Which by the way is nothing, haa. I will say both of them are active in their way, doing what makes them happy. Kodi loves to swim and goes a couple times a week. Lincoln enjoys hiking and does that a few times a week as well.
I wish I was able to be in the kitchen all day cooking a home cooked meal for my family, that’s just not the case. Right now, I still get tired very easily. Half the time when I get ready, by the time I am done I am too exhausted to go or do anything. Trying to cook and prepare a grand home cooked Instagram worthy dinner is just not going to happen.
We have two boys, two amazing boys. I'd give them almost anything in the world for all they have been through and how much they have they stepped up to the plate. Christmas 2018 I think we spent roughly 5 grand. I went WAY over the top. I had to make sure everything was perfect, and the boys got everything they wanted and more. At that time I wasn't sure I'd be there this year. Today, Kodi told us this was the best Christmas ever. Of course that made my heart melt. This year instead of going wild or even setting a budget we decided to try something new. 1. Something you want 2. Something you need 3. Something to read 4. Something to wear 5. Big gift Of course there was stocking stuffers and gifts from family & friends, but overall our plan was very successful! They weren't overwhelmed with so much stuff, they received practical gifts, and what they wanted.
Okay, so what's my point? My point is we didn't buy our boys the latest and greatest stuff. We didn't break the bank only to have half the stuff not even used. Our boys were happy and grateful. Does that make me bad mom? No! It means I live within my means. I don't drink. I have a mouth that would make a sailor blush. I use cannabis ( medical marijuana) I am not involved in Kodi's school, other than homework. I don't have kodi in extra curricular activities. I don't make homemade school lunches or home cooked meals every night. And ya know what all that is okay! My boys know they are loved, they know they are safe, and they know they are wanted. That, is what makes a good mom!
All of you who look like tree monsters at drop off, all those dressed for work, all those at home while your kids walk to school, you are a good mom. And one more thing before I head out. Those who choose to put their child on medication, or use holistic methods, therapy, or whatever. YOU ARE A GOOD MOM! Read that last sentence again. Love Sandee